September 7, 2007
In what appears to be a major loss for ESPN’s Saturday night programming lineup, the Walt Disney-owned company has announced Friday that the matchup between Louisiana State and Virginia Tech will be switched from ESPN to Lifetime. The broadcasting team will remain the same, and all fans in attendance will not notice any difference.
Managing director Russel Balding released a statement saying: “During our broadcast of the game between Virginia Tech and Eastern Carolina University, we noticed several difficulties with the broadcast. Our tech support team found that the equipment that ESPN uses for its regular sporting events could barely handle the amount of emotion present in Lane Stadium that day, due to the horrific shootings that happened almost four months ago. We fear that the amount of emotion present in Tiger Stadium, with the emotions residing from the aforementioned Virginia Tech shooting combining with the emotions from both Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Rita, would cause ESPN be knocked off the air.
“Until we can finish updating the equipment in Bristol, CT. to handle the high levels of emotions found in games like this, we have decided to safely broadcast the game on another of our subsidiaries, the Lifetime Network. The Lifetime Network has a long history of being able to handle made-for-TV movies about women in tense, emotional situations, like abusing husbands, abusing lesbian partners, and abusing husbands that force heroines to run to their abusive lesbian partners. With at 25-year history at providing high-emotion television, we feel that Lifetime will be well-suited for broadcasting the exciting, high-emotion matchup between Virginia Tech and Louisiana State.”
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ACC, Excellence in Broadcasting, Media Watch, SEC | 
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Posted by coco13
August 31, 2007
2 LSU at Mississippi State, Murray State at 10 Louisville, 14 Buffalo at Rutgers, Weber State at 24 Boise State - I’ll give you a hint who wins: schools you could locate on a map.
Read the rest of this entry »
No Comments » | Mid-Majors/Independents, SEC, Terrorism | Permalink
Posted by coco13
July 17, 2007
Ah Vanderbilt. They’re not the football school that UT is. They aren’t the basketball team that Memphis is. They’re somewhere in the middle with a decent baseball team. So what are they? They’re the SEC East’s warmup game, sadly enough. They’re a pretty big school in the middle of Nashville, TN, and pretty much the only redeeming factor is the high quality of the females.
But what can we expect out of Vanderbilt in the 2007 season for football? They look to be very well off, returning 8 of 11 starters on both offense and defense, but unfortunately, they’re STILL Vanderbilt, and unless another Jay Cutler comes along, they STILL won’t finish higher than 4th in the east.
But like I said, the females…
H2DN author fun fact: SaxMaverick went to high school with one of the
chumps holding these fine ladies up. In Florida.
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No Comments » | 2007 Preview, SEC | Permalink
Posted by SaxMaverick
July 14, 2007
Life is good in Titletown, USA. The basketball team, led by the meanest housewife this side of the Mississippi (watch out Windy City!) is enjoying their second straight title. The football team embarrassed an overrated Ohio State team for a share of the national championship (look, we all know the REAL champions are Boise State). This Urban Meyer fella wrangled himself the top recruiting class in nation. Everything is topped by the full-time prospect of Tim “Jesus” Tebow performing at quarterback. Can the Savior bring another championship to the Swamp? Will Meyer continue his domination of the other Florida schools? However, the most important question is…
…Will this man get the grass mowed in time for summer practices???
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No Comments » | 2007 Preview, SEC | Permalink
Posted by SaxMaverick
July 7, 2007
There have been basically no changes to the Alabama Crimson Tide during the off season. And by no changes I mean that GOD has returned to Alabama. No, not the Bear. No, not Charlie Weis. I mean Nick Saban! When reviewing this team it was important to look at all of the normal indicators of a great season.
Media Circus? Check. Scandal? Check. Full Spring Game? Check.
Obviously, they are a team on their way to the top! Let’s break it down for you.
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1 Comment | 2007 Preview, Predictions, SEC | Permalink
Posted by drunkpaul
July 5, 2007
In the first of our 117 part series (MAYBE), H2DN authors are going to take a look at the upcoming season and offer OUR predictions for our respective conference teams. To start out will be the team that makes me drink every Saturday, the Tennessee Volunteers.
The question is, how is our season going to be? Tennessee football is like being drunk at the bar: Everything looks good and proper and you’re feeling up the girl in the 1st picture, but by the time last call comes around, you’re hobbling out of the Citrus Bowl with the woman on the bottom.
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1 Comment | 2007 Preview, SEC | Permalink
Posted by SaxMaverick
June 11, 2007
Now that you’ve got an idea on how to act with contempt should the glorious SEC choose your school, and how to have a marching band that won’t get you sanctions from the NCAA, now you have to choose a team name and mascot. Its tedious and very difficult, as there are probably people pushing you every which way. Here’s some tips to keep in mind:
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1 Comment | ACC, Big Ten, Big XII, Mid-Majors/Independents, Pac 10, SEC | Permalink
Posted by SaxMaverick
June 8, 2007
After hearing that their favorite show was cancelled, fans of CBS’s Jericho took matters into their own hands by raining 20 tons of peanuts on CBS headquarters. In response, the network announced that it would bring the show back next fall.
The fans of Jericho have proved that terrorism is still a viable course of action if you want to get things done these days. We, as college football fans, should learn from this event and start some postal terror campaigns of our own. We can make college administrators everywhere fear our disposable incomes.
We’re very much open to your suggestions - here’s a few to start:
Send your used clothing to Oregon.
University of Oregon Athletic Department
2727 Leo Harris Parkway
Eugene, OR 97401
Jerseys, pants, and warmup suits are preferred, but even bathrobes, towels, and potato sacks can go a long way to help athletes at the University of Oregon maintain a halfway respectable appearance again.
Tampons to University of Florida president Bernard Machen.
Office of the President
226 Tigert Hall, PO Box 113150
Gainesville, FL 32611
What better way to tell someone they’re a fucking pussy than by flooding their mailbox with tampons? Thanks a lot, Machen, for getting our hopes up and making us think you had balls of steel. If a playoff system is ever implemented in college football, we’re sure you’ll be there saying that it’s what you’ve been working for all along. But we know what you really are.
Pussy.
No Comments » | Pac 10, SEC, Terrorism | Permalink
Posted by Tomek
May 18, 2007
As I write this article, I’m less than 12 hours away from a 7:30am date with my Roman Archeology exam, but college football is on my mind. Please don’t misunderstand me, I love talking about the plaster casts of bodies that litter the streets of Pompeii as much as the next red-blooded American man, but to be perfectly honest, sometimes I’d rather just dream about football. Is that so wrong? “But wait,” I hear you say, “aren’t you at school to learn? You pay tuition, right?” Well, yes and no; you see, I am learning. I am learning about anatomy, I’m learning about the value of discipline, and business acumen. College is so much more than classes though, and that’s an important lesson that one of my roommates needs to learn (seriously Rob, go the fuck outside and do something other than study and masturbate). College is about rivalries, about forgetting where you parked your car or who the hell is it that you woke up with this morning. It’s so much more than some buildings, a congregation of people, an institution of learning, or fearing for your life (feel free to insert Virgina Tech joke of choice). To some of us, college is a magical four to seven years that centers around grills, tents in your team’s colors, gasoline-powered generators, satellite TVs on the Quad, and ululations of joy usually emitted near the engineering building (probably all those foreign kids playing soccer). Read the rest of this entry »
No Comments » | Rants, SEC | Permalink
Posted by SiDeath
May 10, 2007
As the semester ambles to a close, college kids everywhere are preparing for their summers. In football, it is just the same. Seniors are either starting to work out with their new NFL teams, try out for said teams, or busy locking up deals to have their very own car dealership (I can’t wait for Chris Leak Ford either, check them out, on I-75!).
But what about the student-athletes left behind? Those who worked really hard in their Sociology and Communications classes with only a partial key they got from the professor? Those guys have a long summer ahead, and between summer workouts in God’s favorite sports, they’ve all got big plans for the summer season.
So lets take a look at one athlete’s plans: Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | SEC | Permalink
Posted by SaxMaverick
