H2DN 2007 Previews - Hawaii Rainbows

July 19, 2007

Hawaii Rainbows - We refuse to acknowledge anyone who refers to this team as the Warriors

Utah and Boise State ruined everything.

Once upon a time, it was manly to stay up at night and wonder if the BCS Buster was a myth or something we’d actually witness in our lifetimes. Then Utah had to burst our bubble while Boise State came along shortly after to rub it in our face. Quite frankly, the very thought of another midmajor making it into the BCS this year sounds like a total yawnfest.

Unfortunately, with Colt Brennan’s announcement to return for his senior season, the Hawaii Rainbows seem to have a chance at doing it all over again this year. With a schedule like their’s, the question isn’t “Can they go undefeated?”, it’s “How will they celebrate?” After all, they’re currently planning on building a shrine to immortalize their glorious team of 1999 that went 9-4 with “an Iwo Jima-style memorial” to ensure “that Hawaii would never be forgotten in the history of NCAA football.”

We imagine they’ll immortalize an undefeated 2007 team somewhat like this:

The Kingdom of Brenna’n

Read the rest of this entry »


H2DN 2007 Previews - Akron Zips

July 18, 2007

At Hell2DaNaw, we strongly believe in equality in college football. Upsets are what make the game great, so we like to pay tribute to the little guys. It can’t all be about traditional powerhouses like Notre Dame, Miami, Oklahoma, and Duke. As a result, our 2007 previews will go beyond the BCS conferences to include the rest of D-1A. And not just popular ones like Boise State and Rutgers. All of them. Every last shitty school.

On that note, this post will profile those Titans from Tiretown, the Akron Zips. It is a very difficult existence for the handful of MAC schools that operate in the shadow of Ohio State. Still, some manage to collect the leftovers and put together a somewhat competitive team. Usually one will crack the “other votes” section of the Top 25 polls or pull off a big upset like almost beating Michigan. Akron isn’t there yet, but I went undefeated with them in NCAA 07, so that’s enough reason for me to be optimistic about their prospects for this season.

Marsupials are fucking scary, dude
Fear the Roo, Bitches!
Read the rest of this entry »


The How-to Guide to Picking a Good Team Name and Mascot

June 11, 2007

Now that you’ve got an idea on how to act with contempt should the glorious SEC choose your school, and how to have a marching band that won’t get you sanctions from the NCAA, now you have to choose a team name and mascot. Its tedious and very difficult, as there are probably people pushing you every which way. Here’s some tips to keep in mind:

Read the rest of this entry »


Backup RB Wonders When He’s Getting Paid

May 14, 2007

Yusuf Salhuddin is a lot like other college students. He hangs out with his friends, goes to class, studies hard, and watches his bank account constantly dwindle.The only difference between Salhuddin and others is that he plays football for the Idaho Vandals. After busting his chops on the bench, he still is behind the senior threats of Brian Flowers Jr. and Rolly Lumbala in the depth chart. But Salhuddin is convinced that he’ll still be earning his long-overdue paycheck soon. Read the rest of this entry »


Toddler at Spring Game Gets JACKED THE FUCK UP

May 1, 2007

Apparently after reading Hell2DaNaw’s Iowa Edition of YouTube Superfans, 4-year-old Caden Thomas felt the need to replicate what he saw on YouTube and in the process was taken down by Colorado State’s George Hill. He needed 30 stitches to close the bleeding gash on his forehead and suffered permanent brain damage, although now he should fit right in with the rest of the fans of Colorado State. (ZING) Read the rest of this entry »


College Football Rumor Mill

April 9, 2007

The Rumor Mill returns this week with several juicy scoops. Is Nick Saban ready to jump ship to the Maize and Blue? Bulldogs blue balled? Denim Menace? And John L. Smith’s heart ripped a flunder, all in this week’s dish. Read the rest of this entry »


What Charlie Weis Found In His Easter Basket

April 8, 2007

easter basket

On a cloudy, brisk Easter morning in South Bend, Indiana we descend upon the Weis household. We see the Coach, still decked in his size XXXL wool footy pajamas, joining his children Charlie Jr. and Hannah in a search for their Easter baskets. Read the rest of this entry »


Louisiana-Lafayette Begins Pursuit of Carr

April 6, 2007

Michigan coach Lloyd Carr has been in the hot seat for the past several years for winning everything in sight except five out of the last six bowl games and, more importantly, five out of the last six games against Ohio State. As fans legion against Carr, the embattled coach and his agent are preparing for life after Ann Arbor. Read the rest of this entry »


The Biggest Threat to College Football

April 5, 2007

Every year, someone starts worrying about the death of college football and how the sport is being killed by someone or something. One year it’s the referees, the next it’s the new clock rules, then it’s TV timeouts, or possibly it’s sponsorship. However, the problem with the people making these arguments is that they’re idiots. None of these are the true problem with college football. The true problem has been sneaking up on the horizon for years, and suddenly burst upon the scene with great force last season. Not unlike Pennywise from Stephen King’s It, it lies in wait for the unsuspecting public, and then rises from its lurking place to lay the death blow to the sport that we’ve come to know and love. Of course, the only threat I could possibly be talking about are mid-majors. Read the rest of this entry »


Lesser Known Stadiums

April 3, 2007

When talking about football stadiums, certain names always come up: The Swamp, Death Valley, The Shoe, The Big(but quiet) House. Housing national champions and boasting tens of thousands of fans, it’s no wonder these stadiums have a reputation as loud(mostly) and intimidating places to play. However, many smaller schools boast an entertaining atmosphere and game day environment. I’ll now take you on a tour of the lesser known football havens of America. Read the rest of this entry »