Utah and Boise State ruined everything.
Once upon a time, it was manly to stay up at night and wonder if the BCS Buster was a myth or something we’d actually witness in our lifetimes. Then Utah had to burst our bubble while Boise State came along shortly after to rub it in our face. Quite frankly, the very thought of another midmajor making it into the BCS this year sounds like a total yawnfest.
Unfortunately, with Colt Brennan’s announcement to return for his senior season, the Hawaii Rainbows seem to have a chance at doing it all over again this year. With a schedule like their’s, the question isn’t “Can they go undefeated?”, it’s “How will they celebrate?” After all, they’re currently planning on building a shrine to immortalize their glorious team of 1999 that went 9-4 with “an Iwo Jima-style memorial” to ensure “that Hawaii would never be forgotten in the history of NCAA football.”
We imagine they’ll immortalize an undefeated 2007 team somewhat like this:
Team: Hawaii Rainbows
Location: Manoa, HI
Stadium: Aloha Stadium - Capacity: 50,000
Coach: June Jones
2006 Record/Finish: 11-3 (7-1), 41-24 win over Arizona State in Hawaii Bowl
2007 H2DN Prediction: 13-0, Hawaii Bowl
Top Returner: Ross Dickerson averaging 25.0 yards every kickoff. Give us a break - the answer to this question is obvious and we’re feeling a little bit snarky. We are, after all, taking a break in between Harry Potter books in our marathon to finish the sixth book exactly before midnight on Friday.
Biggest Loss: With the loss of Samson Satele, Dane Uperesa, and Tala Esera at offensive line and leading rusher Nate Ilaoa, Colt Brennan is going to be facing extreme blitzing on every down until he and his inexperienced blockers can prove they can handle the added pressure.
ESPN Incessant Talking Point: It is strict ESPN policy to keep their broadcasts completely devoid of the state of Hawaii, first because it is roughly between 5 and 6 AM in Bristol, Connecticutt during the kickoff of Hawaii’s home games, and secondly to protest a local judge ruling that Woody Paige is no longer allowed to set foot on six of the state’s islands without handcuffs, an escort consisting of at least two armed police officers, and a pair of pliers hovering in close proximity to his nuts.
However, we have uncovered proof of a resistance movement among the Gameday crew. First, record any segment of College Gameday that refers to the Heisman race on a computer with a TV capture card. Next, extract the audio and import it into the editing suite of your choice. Add the appropriate filters to flip the clip and listen closely to the dialogue playback in reverse - you will be able to barely make out a whisper of Colt Brennan’s name. IMPORTANT: Ignore anything of Lee Corso says in reverse… yes, those are Satanic verses.
Key Offseason Event: Scheduling. If Auburn couldn’t get any respect with two Division I-AA opponents on their schedule in 2004, who the fuck is going to care about Hawaii this postseason?
We understand that some teams are hesitant to schedule away games at Manoa because A) they are afraid of getting embarassed after the jet lag B) it costs too much or C) it takes too much time, but is the Hawaii front office so inept that it can’t convince just one of the one hundred and nine remaining organizations to enjoy a paid weekend getaway to Hawaii?
Even if Hawaii wins every game 100-0, we at H2DN see almost no possibility of Hawaii being invited to join in BCS festivities with two Division I-A Playoff Series teams on their schedule.
Additional Notes: DC Jerry Glanville left the program to become the head coach of Portland State this offseason. Fortunately, fan favorite Greg McMackin, defensive coordinator from the legendary 1999 Hawaii team, was brought back as his replacement. We have a sneaking suspicision that the locker room music this season will heavily feature the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince.
Speaking of the Hawaii locker room, Colt Brennan was kind enough to berate Hawaii’s athletic facilities this offseason. Among his list of complaints was a lack of soap in said locker room. Although Brennan might feel a little more squeaky clean this upcoming season, it will take a lot more than soap to wash away the negative recruiting consequences his statement is sure to cause.
July 19, 2007 at 2:23 pm
I’ve always enjoyed the irony that Hawaii can’t convince teams to fly out to Hawaii, when it’s appeared in the same bowl 8 years running.
July 19, 2007 at 7:54 pm
hey man, that was a pretty funny post, especially the diagram. just a few things:
Ross Dickerson graduated. Jason Rivers has been mentioned as this year’s kick returner.
for football, it’s the Hawaii Warriors. the basketball team is the Rainbow Warriors, the baseball team is the Rainbows, and on and on. the women’s teams are the Rainbow Wahine. long story.
yes, the front office, specifically the athletic director, did a terrible job with this year’s scheduling, waiting till the last minute to try to fill four slots coming into 2007. that, combined with michigan state cancelling, combined with teams not wanting to come down, as well as other teams not wanting to schedule UH at they’re place (Michigan, Miss. State) led to the craptacular doo doo schedule. we think this will be one of the best Hawaii teams ever, so that whole fiasco was a major disappointment. i think BCS is still a possibility, though lee corso and his ilk will heap scorn upon UH throughout the year, trying to dissuade that from happening. beating to the last third of the schedule soundly should help. thanks for the preview.
August 19, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Yeh…know your facts before opening that mouth of yours. Statements like yours give you ZERO credibility. But then again, its some interesting BS stuff Ive heard. Happy hour starts on September 1.
March 9, 2008 at 12:26 am
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