Intro/saves
Round One
Round Two
Round Three
Now that the draft is winding up, the football news is scarce, we here at H2DN will give you something else to argue about. We’ll finish up the conference draft results this week. The following are the 4th, 5th, and 6th rounds. Stay tuned as well for the OMG BLOCKBUSTER TRADE.
Round Four (There’s some good ones left!)
1 (22) SEC: After thinking long and hard, and hoping my third and fourth choices will be around, the SEC separates itself from the “old” SEC, and picks some new OOC opponents:
The University of Virginia Cavaliers - No matter how uppity and 
uptight UVA fans might be, joining the SEC will knock them down a notch. We’ll see how long the fans wear those suits and dresses when they’re covered in Bud Light, Battery Acid, and have Rocky Top blasted in their smug faces every Saturday. Say goodbye to Polo Shirts and Hollister, and welcome Nascar t-shirts and flannel vests.
2 (23) Big Ten: To match the pick of Kansas State, once again the Big Ten reaches into the Big XII North and seizes the lesser of the two Iowa teams. With this selection of the Iowa State Cyclones, it’s clear that my drafting “strategy” has gone completely to hell and I’m resigned to keeping the Big Ten the conference of OSU, Michigan, and everyone else.
3 (24) Pac 10: The Pac-10 takes the Best California Team Available in 
the UCLA Bruins. Pete Carroll started bitching at me that he wasn’t going to have his end-season punching bag in the conference anymore and told me to pick them up. I was hesitant at first, but then he threw my best friend off of a dorm roof.
4 (25) MMSC: The fourth pick will be North Carolina. It may be a basketball school, but with Butch Davis at the helm, UNC will become a recruitment and drug trafficking stronghold momentarily, and it would be stupid for the MMSC to NOT carry them along.
5 (26) Big East: The Big East selects the U.S. Naval Academy. That’s 
right. Navy. The big boys. They’re not Notre Dame, but they’re not Army either. We feel the Midshipmen can bring a lot to the conference, namely homoeroticism, but only because Texas A&M is already out of the picture. Hopefully, now that these guys are in a conference they’ll start getting some good recruits and maybe get into a bowl I’ve heard of before. Cmon, the Meineke Car Care Bowl? This is Navy, we’re talking about. Plus, the longer I can avoid Temple, the happier I am.
6 (27) Big XII: With the Big XII’s next pick, it chooses to bring back 
the first of its former Big XII North teams, the Colorado Buffaloes. Simply put, we like Dan Hawkins attitude. It’s the Big XII; it ain’t intramurals. Also, we feel as if we’ve picked yet another BCS game winner from last year. Follow the logic here…
Ron Zook:Florida::________:Boise State.
7 (28) ACC: Wake Forest, ACC Champions. Saying that out loud gives 
you that same dirty feeling that you get when you find yourself singing along to “It’s Raining Men” in the car. It’s funny that I ended up being the one who picked Wake, after giving Jim Grobe absolutely no credit last season (one good year doesn’t replace years upon years of mediocrity at both Wake and Ohio), discounting their ACC championship due to spectacularly miserable failures by the rest of the ACC, and trashing their pathetic bowl game appearance. But it could be possible that a little basketball school in a tiny town in North Carolina could be turning things around and building a competitive program for years to come. And if that fails, well, we can always use another doormat.
Round Five (Ok Shooter, now you’re just reaching)
1 (29) ACC: Taking Ohio in the fifth round is an absolute steal. A 
program with a long-standing tradition of excellence, Ohio dominated their conference last year on the backs of several future NFL stars. Their fanbase is incredible, dedicated, and makes playing at Ohio an absolute terror for opposing teams. Led by an amazing quarterback, an All-American wide receiver, and defensive and offensive lines that would make anyone in America jealous, this team doesn’t rebuild. It reloads. And even with Troy Smith and Ted Ginn Jr. leaving, this team will still have enough talent to……….what’s that? I picked who? Oh………….well……………shit. Um……….I guess Frank Solich is pretty decent.
2 (30) Big XII: The Big XII selects the Minnesota Golden Gophers. 
With a P.H.D. in football in at the helm, we can expect that Minnesota’s powerful rushing offense won’t miss a beat during the transition period. We feel that last year’s Insight Bowl could be the catalyst for a rivalry we cannot ignore. Currently Texas Tech drifts aimlessly pretending that Texas or Texas A&M will one day give them attention; we also have a theory that tortillas fly better in the cold.
3 (31) Big East: Big East selects the only team to win a non-American 
bowl game last year, the Cincinnati Bearcats. Alright, so they’ve only been in the conference a few years but still, we like what they’re doing. Alright, so Mark Dantonio left here to coach Michigan State of all places. And their new quarterback is a grad student. Some people would say that isn’t exactly a recipe for success. And I agree with those people. But I figured I’d have to take at least one other team from the old Big East so I chose the one that wasn’t UConn or Syracuse.
4 (32) MMSC: The next mid-major pick is an actual mid-major in the Golden Eagles of Southern Miss. USM boasts a stout defense that’s led them to one of the highest non-BCS winning percentages in the 21st Century, and on top of that, they’re The Blackest Team in America. The MMSC instantly becomes a beacon of diversity…as if forcing the Cornhuskers to play ECU wasn’t diverse enough.
5 (33) Pac 10: The Pac-10 decides to poach again from the Big XII 
and takes the Missouri Tigers. That Chase Daniel kid is pretty good, and I have a feeling that having a strong Midwest influence will make the Pac-10 one of the more watched conferences in D-1 next year. Love me that heartland.
6 (34) Big Ten: To continue the ravaging of the ACC, the Big Ten grabs some company for Maryland and picks the North Carolina State Wolfpack. With Chuck Amato gone, maybe they can actually win games with their talent. When I pick NC State at this point in the draft, it is a sign that all of the teams I really wanted are long gone. Screw you guys.
7 (35) SEC - The University of Houston Cougars:
Defending Conference USA champions, and truly the best team in Texas, the SEC has no qualms about the steal they’re getting with Houston dropping into their laps. These glorious football gods dressed in Red are sure to shore up the Western division, even if Auburn and LSU were still around. Join the REDvolution, bitches… plus, they beat Southern Miss.
Round Six (FOOTBAW)
1 (36) SEC - The University of Mississippi Rebels: Colonel Reb is no 
longer crying. FOOTBAW and Coach O have a place in the SEC West, and Brent Schaeffer will have to accept the beating by his former team, the Vols. YAW YAW YAW
2 (37) Big Ten: With their next pick, the Big Ten stops the bleeding by picking the Michigan State Spartans. It’s not the same without Slappy McGee, but we’re positive that even Mark Dantonio can’t stop the hot 5-0 start followed by a hilariously epic October collapse. Also, Michigan fans can now stop bitching about losing their annual whipping boy.
3 (38) Pac 10: The Pac-10 wants to bring back another charter 
member and does so with the Oregon State Beavers. Not really the sexiest of picks (have you seen the women in Corvallis? Ugh.) but Mike Riley is a good game coach who has some very good recruiters on his staff. They’re coming off a 10-win season and have the talent to stay good for a while.
4 (39) MMSC: The mid-majors take BYU. BYU is another good mid-major with a growing talent pool of Mormons tired of California and monogamy. It also lends to a natural rivalry with Boise State because they’re 400 miles apart, which in that part of the US is like down the block.
5 (40) Big East: I’m sick of that douchebaggery known as the Mid 
Major Super Conference and taking one of their own. The Big East selects Central Michigan. One of the infamous directional Michigan schools now has a home in the Big East. The school colors are maroon and gold, and the school, and its students and alumni are referred to as Chippewas which is sometimes shortened to Chips. If you’re wondering, yes, I did copy and paste that from Wikipedia. Because I literally have no idea anything about this school other than that they’re located somewhere in Central Michigan and won 10 games last season. And that’s enough of a pre-requisite to get in the Big East.
6 (41) Big XII: The Big XII just wouldn’t be the same without Stoops 
on the sidelines. Unfortunately for us and the Oklahoma Sooners, recent troubles with Big Red Imports and other allegations give us frightening flashbacks to the 1980s and the SWC. No siree, we don’t care to revisit those memories. In their stead, the conference would like to welcome little brother Stoops and the Arizona Wildcats to the fold. Did I mention that the Big XII now has four A+ schools?
7 (42) ACC - Vanderbilt: Oh Vandy, remember when you were the 
surprise team with Jay Cutler at the helm and actually scaring other SEC teams a little bit? What in the hell happened? Their single win in the SEC last season involved barely beating Georgia, who ended up beating the shit out of Virginia Tech in their bowl game. Therefore, I felt like Vandy would be a perfect fit. The ACC used to be full of teams who get one or two big wins a year and lose pretty much everything else, and since I lost my chance to pick up Boston College (and trust me, there’s no bucket large enough to contain my tears on that one), Vandy’s a pretty adequate substitution. Read into that whatever you want; I’m basically saying BC sucks. Plus, how can you go wrong with a team who schedules both Duke and Temple in the same season? Much like Marcus Vick, Vandy takes scheduling cupcakes to the next level, baby.
Stay tuned for the rest of the draft coming up this week! (I know, you’re shaking from anticipation… or all that Mountain Dew, fatass)
