Hell2DaNaw.com

As the semester ambles to a close, college kids everywhere are preparing for their summers. In football, it is just the same. Seniors are either starting to work out with their new NFL teams, try out for said teams, or busy locking up deals to have their very own car dealership (I can’t wait for Chris Leak Ford either, check them out, on I-75!).

But what about the student-athletes left behind? Those who worked really hard in their Sociology and Communications classes with only a partial key they got from the professor? Those guys have a long summer ahead, and between summer workouts in God’s favorite sports, they’ve all got big plans for the summer season.

So lets take a look at one athlete’s plans:

Tim Tebow - University of Florida

Destination: Mike Vick’s Training Camp for Fast Quarterbacks and Puppy Warehouse

Tim Tebow, already anointed as the next Lord and Savior of Florida football, has quite the busy schedule ahead of him. Being homeschooled for part of his life caused him to miss the “throw the ball during recess” training, yet his strong legs still remained (mostly due to avoid getting shot in native Jacksonville). Never one to shy away from work, Mr. Tebow is headed to Tijuana, Mexico for Michael Vick’s Training Camp. There he hopes to gain skills to make him more “exciting” and to gain all important “intangibles”. (Note: intangibles do not equal passing ability) Many fun activities await him at Senor Vick’s camp, lets just take a look at a few!

Breathing Exercises

As any athlete will tell you, the most important part of doing any strenuous physical activity is to correctly breathe to keep a steady supply of oxygen in the body. Well the world-famous Falcons QB knows this well, and has a quite elaborate system that is used by millions around the world everyday. All his supplies are made - nay, grown - on this very property. “Increasing lung capacity is very important because you don’t wanna be coughing and shit and lose your smo… lunch during practice.”

Now loyal Hell2DaNaw’ers, you’ve got to get information and insider photos, lest we risk our reputation as a fine and reputable college football publication. So without further ado, here are some training photos taken just last offseason in Vick’s “Breathing circles”"

And of course, no Vick camp would be complete without showing his players his love for the canine species:

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Advanced Bacterial and Viral Immunization and PreventionAs strong as an athlete Tim Tebow or Mike Vick may be, sometimes you have to hit the books to get a better perspective on the game and its lifestyle. Being a studious fellow, Tim was all over this next section of training camp. Little is known about this section of camp, with doctor-patient confidentiality, but a torn out page of the playbook revealed this:Strange, and cryptic too.

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Confidence and Asserting Yourself in the Athlete’s World“Coach” Vick can’t be everywhere all the time, so some of the sections of his camp he turns over to his faithful and strong-willed brother, Marcus. In this area of camp, “Coach Scarface” - as he’s known - lectures to athletes about the difficulties of being the national spotlight. Be it signing autographs, handling the press, or trying to get a damn meal at Micky D’s. Important lessons being taught are incredibly varied and offer many quips and anecdotes to become a nationally known star:

• Respecting your opponents, and them respecting your size 14 cleats
• More uses for the Blackberry: The drop outs at McDonalds think its a weapon!
• Being too good for the pros: When to retire when you’ve moved past the pros

However, any male superstar has his problems and difficulties with the fairer sex, but luckily for them, Coach Marcus is a seasoned expert in these matters. He teaches ways to treat and deal with women with respect, with activities such as learning to dress (for prom), field trips to middle schools, and even how to beat the odds at Truth or Dare.

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As you can see, this camp is to further prepare the college player for his years in the spotlight. Whether the lessons be about body control, sanitation, or confidence, this camp helps build character and the complete athlete*. Good luck Tim Tebow!(* Camp does not improve football skills whatsoever)