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The Rumor Mill returns this week with several juicy scoops. Is Nick Saban ready to jump ship to the Maize and Blue? Bulldogs blue balled? Denim Menace? And John L. Smith’s heart ripped a flunder, all in this week’s dish.

Alabama fans, don’t give up hope of using necromancy to raise the Bear just yet. An anonymous booster close to the Tide AD recently informed us, strictly off the record of course, that Nick Saban was recently house-hunting in Ann Arbor…Hold onto your hats, because this one’s a doozy: the playing time disputes in Fayetteville are far from over. Felix Jones was recently seen storming off the field after a particularly heated argument with Coach Nutt. With Darren McFadden already being solicited by IMG and Drew Rosenhaus, this bears watching as it could be disasterous for the Razorbacks…John L. Smith is not using his current unemployment as an excuse to get him down. Continuing his trend of spending his offseasons adventuring instead of developing players, Smith was recently spotted in Shanghai looking for a guide to help him reach the Temple of Kali. Look for Smith to be a candidate for the already-rumored potential openings in South Bend, Syracuse, Berkeley, and Lubbock next fall…Temple has pre-emptively applied for membership in the WAC for the 2017 season…

In a shocking development, sources in Gainesville swear up and down that Percy Harvin will give up football after the spring semester to focus on a burgeoning career in the ministry…Coaches in Athens are worried that super-freshman Caleb King might not make it to campus in the fall after a recent felony charges for assaulting a transvestite prostitute…Congratulations go out to Mark Mangino for winning the seventeenth-annual Douglas County potato sack race. In a classy move, he has announced that his winnings and back fat will be donated towards helping to feed the starving in Sri Lanka…Spies in Charlottesville think Al Groh’s position is rather tenuous at this point. That’s hardly news, but the particular reason why might shed a little more light on the situation. Groh’s wife Anne reportedly ran out of the Charlottesville Marriott in tears. Hoping to surprise her husband with tickets to Hawaii for their second honeymoon, the story goes that the future ex-Mrs. Groh found her husband cavorting with a leggy blonde…

A recent emergency session of the NCAA’s rules comittee tackled the increasing prevalence of jean shorts on college campuses throughout the country. Over the bitter objections of UCLA’s Karl Dorrell, the committee overwhelmingly approved appointing a special task force to further study the volatile issue…Mountaineer Coach Rich Rodriguez, increasingly frustrated with his attempts to get through to enigmatic sophomore Jason Gwaltney, has taken to a surprising strategy: in an effort to teach him the meaning of what it is to be a “true Mountaineer”, Rich Rod has invited alumni Adam Jones and Chris Henry back to campus for a series of mentoring sessions…Hawaii QB Colt Brennan was recently subject to a restraining order filed in a Honolulu Court. In a culmination of an increasingly bizarre series of events, Brennan must now stay 300 yards away from a local woman at all times…Wisconsin Tight End Travis Beckum will miss the rest of spring practice due to frequent nosebleeds…Which incoming freshman quarterback was recently spotted discretely leaving a gay bath house in South Bend? Our lips are sealed…Many ACC assistants are seemingly convinced that this is the year that Duke finally takes the leap to respectability.