If H2DN is anything, it isn’t your typical college football blog. We don’t have embedded Youtube videos or breaking news. And that isn’t because we don’t know how to actually embed Youtube videos. Or because we don’t have access to AP newswires or sources speaking on the condition of anonymity. No, it’s because we strive to be unique.
That’s why today’s post is very special to all of us here. We are proving our uniqueness by posting the very first college football Top 10 for 2008. Yes, you heard right. We here at H2DN are working quicker than an EA Sports franchise. We feel that it’s easy to predict the top ten teams in the nation for next year. USC, Florida, Michigan, Texas, Wisconsin, LSU, Ohio State, West Virginia, Georgia, and Arkansas. Boom, done. Where’s the fun in that? It takes people with a special skill, a certain je ne sais quoi to do what we’re doing. To really help our readers out, we have provided them with the world’s most comprehensive, well-written, and literally only Top 10 list for the upcoming upcoming season.
- USC. For seemingly the umpteenth time in a row, USC starts in the top ten again. Heisman winner John David Booty returns for his sixth season in Los Angeles after gaining an eligibility for another year. “I just realized that my potential in the NFL isn’t exactly what we’d call a ‘first-rounder,’” Booty said. “To tell the truth, I just want to bang as many chicks here as possible. Matt [Leinart] and I have an ongoing contest, something he did with Carson before him. I figured if I stay here as long as humanly possible, I’ll get the record.” When asked whether the reason Leinart stayed for his senior season was to win the “contest” Booty chuckled and said, “Yeah, I guess. Well, that and he didn’t want to go the 49ers. Have you seen this offensive lineman they have, Kwame Harris? Guy’s terrible. He is the single reason San Francisco doesn’t have Matt Leinart as their quarterback. But then again, it kind of backfired on him. Weren’t the Cardinals supposed to be good that year?” Booty and USC once again take the Pac-10 with a 12-0 record.
- Ohio State. Obviously, the big story in 2007 was Ohio State alum Troy Smith leading his team to the Super Bowl. Huge shock there, especially since Smith was drafted in the 6th round and had never started an NFL game prior to this season. I guess Troy Smith really is the new Tom Brady, but with a Heisman! Looking at the Buckeyes this year, Rob Schoenhoft should be the starting QB again. They’ll also be glad to have Chris Wells in the backfield again, this running back has similar size to Adrian Peterson and should really shine this year. We’re predicting an 11-1 season from the Buckeyes. (Now if only Greg Oden will live up to his potential like Troy Smith did!)
- Texas. Colt McCoy is the front-runner for Heisman after winning nearly every other award in 2007: the Maxwell, the Walter Camp, the Davey O’Brien, the Lou Groza, etc. Senior Jamaal Charles will be extremely important this year as the starting Backfield Blocker. Look for him to accrue negative rushing yards in ‘08 as the designated kneel-downer, a position designed so McCoy will not lose any yardage kneeling on the ball at the end of a game. Another surprising move was the sudden defection of head coach Mack Brown to Boise State. New head coach Greg Davis should do well, except if he’s given a chance to call any actual plays or even run any practices. His staff will for the most part keep him away from all players and members of the media, occupying him with a ball of yarn. The Texas McCoys should be good for an 11-1 record and a spot in a BCS bowl.
- Notre Dame. Yes, obviously a bit of bandwagon pick. Notre Dame is our pick for Mid-Major of the year despite the loss of Charlie Weis, who left to coach the New York Giants, the New York Jets, the Dallas Cowboys, and the Toronto Argonauts simultaneously. This is a feat that hasn’t been accomplished since 2004 when Steve Spurrier coached both the Redskins and whoever was playing the Redskins that day. In a surprise coaching move, former UCF and Notre Dame coach George O’Leary returns to the Notre Dame sidelines as technically the most successful coach in Golden Dome history, never having lost a game. Also, the loss of Jimmy Clausen will hurt. In one of the bigger news stories of the year, Clausen famously “retired” from college football after his first snap in a Notre Dame uniform when one of his offensive linemen was called for holding on a 12 yard out that fell 5 yards short of Clausen’s intended receiver. When asked what he planned to do, Clausen chuckled and said, “Marcus Vick route, man. Move on up to the next level, and not the part where I hang out in Casey’s studio apartment in Knoxville. Nope, I’m talking about those three little letters.” Clausen then petitioned his entrance into the Hall Of Fame outside the HOF Building for 20 minutes before retiring to Casey’s studio apartment in Knoxville. Looking forward, this is a team with a strong core and look for their new southpaw freshman quarterback, a kid by the name of “Mick Mlausen”. He looks about 30 and when H2DN interviewed him he was wearing a fake mustache and would periodically laugh menacingly after saying such things as, “Looks like Jimmy won’t be the only Notre Dame quarterback in the family! MWAHAHAHAHA!” Anyway, look for a 10-2 record and another complete drubbing in the Sugar Bowl.
- Rutgers. In somewhat of a surprise, Ray Rice returns for his senior season with the Scarlet Knights. In a case that mirrors Matt Leinart’s from years prior, Rice said, “I just love Piscataway. There’s something about those Grease Trucks that I just can’t get enou… Please help me. Coach Schiano threatened to kill me if I left for the NFL. Like, for real. He showed me the gun.” In another surprise junior quarterback Mike Teel declared himself eligible for the NFL Draft despite being projected as a 6th rounder in the most recent Arena League mock draft. When asked about his decision Teel said, “I just feel like now is the time for me to move on. Piscataway has been real good and I’ll miss the Fuddrucker’s by I-95 bu… Please help me. Coach Schiano threatened to kill me if I didn’t leave the team. Like, for real. He showed me the gun.” Look for another BCS berth from the Big East’s top team and a 10-2 record.
- Florida. TIM TEBOW. TIM TEBOW. TIM TEBOW. TIM TEBOW. TIM TEBOW. TIM TEBOW. TIM TEBOW. TIM TEBOW. TIM TEBOW. TIM TEBOW.
- Boise State. The Broncos have firmly solidified their status as a member of a major conference, replacing Iowa State in the Big XII this past year. The team that was once revered by mid-major fans across the nation for their blue turf and trick plays against Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl has become reviled for “selling out.” The blue turf is gone, in favor of a more traditional green. New coach Mack Brown has taken this more glamorous position and shifted the Broncos to a West Coast offense. Stalwart running back Ian Johnson has left for the NFL. According to some bloggers, it is a tragic fall from grace for this team. No longer will they use the Statue of Liberty to go for two in the first overtime. Never again will we see the Broncos of old, the closest we’ll get to them again is when we recant the story of this team to our grandchildren. Expect Boise St. to run their record to 10-2 but miss out on a BCS berth.
- Tulsa. Tulsa finally will get to see what QB Mitch Mustain can do after sitting out a year due to transfer requirements. Upon asked why Mustain had chosen the Golden Hurricane over USC he responded, “I got a call from John David Booty. Dude, he was seriously giggling like a kid on his first contact high and tried to explain some ‘contest’. I figured he was gay and chose Tulsa instead.” Well then. Arkansas will severely miss this kid as they went winless last year with a walk-on at the helm. Houston Nutt was quoted as saying, “Yeah we found this Indian student playing some weirdass baseball game in the quad. He had a good arm, so I signed him to a scholarship.” Ramesh Krishnan had 21 completions last year with zero touchdowns and 77 interceptions. The ‘Cane will go undefeated in C-USA, leading them to a BCS bowl.
- Alabama. Despite rumors abound that Nick Saban might leave the Tide to coach for The Cowboys from the film Little Giants or his son’s high school rivals, his team played well, earning another berth in the Independence Bowl with a 6-6 record. It was the same exact record Mike Shula had earned in 2006, but this time around it seemed different. Better. It had that Nick Saban shine to it. We expect senior QB John Parker Wilson to bust into tears only three times this season, way down from his previous mark of 17. Senior RB Jimmy Johns also gets our award for Most Delicious Name, narrowly beating out Villanova’s WR Del Taco and SUNY-Potsdam QB Orange Julius. Look for a 9-3 record from the Tide.
- Syracuse. Hey why the fuck not. A lot can happen in two years. Like, a whole lot. Including personnel changes. For example, firings. Maybe of head coaches. Head Coaches like Greg Robinson.Please.
Please fire Greg Robinson.
