You know that familiar sound that comes from the stadium as you stagger towards it just as the game starts? Those drums you hear as you’re pissing into the trough during halftime? Those non-Zombie Nation songs that play during the game? That is your marching band. They dress like retards and take up a whole section of seats that are way better than yours. We have taken the time to carefully rank the five worst marching bands in existence.
1. The Award-Winning Virginia Fighting Cavalier Indoor/Outdoor Precision Marching Pep Band, & Chowder Society Review, Unlimited!!!
Yes, that is the official name of the Virginia Pep Band. They were banned from all official sporting events in 2003 and replaced by a traditional marching band after their performances were occasionally regarded as offensive and inappropriate. They still perform (and are the only attendees) at UVA Ice Hockey and Rugby games.
2. The Ohio State University Marching Band
The Best Damn Band In The Land takes pride in giving themselves gaudy monikers but proves lazy when tasked with actually spelling out their school’s name. Frank Solich appealed to the administration at Ohio University to sue after seeing the OSU band spell out his school’s name before the National Championship game but recanted after realizing he couldn’t handle another loss on his record.
3. The University of Texas Longhorn Band
The UT administration was trying to cut corners so they purchased Gene Autry’s entire wardrobe for $34 at his estate auction. The extra money was used to purchase cold sore medication for Colt McCoy. At least gay men no longer have trouble deciding what to be for Halloween.
4. The Pride of West Virginia
Nobody can listen to your songs while this monstrosity is spinning and kicking in the middle of the formation. Many wonder, “Is there anything worse than a male cheerleader?” Why yes, there is.
5. The Oregon Marching Band
The University of Oregon has switched the wardrobe directors for the football team and the marching band. Don’t try to fool us with your Nike baseball hats because they can’t make anyone holding a saxophone look cool. At least Oregon band members already have the uniform for their lawn treatment technician jobs after they graduate.
Honorable Mention: Grambling State
When more people come to the stadium to see the halftime show than the game, you are doing something wrong.
March 28, 2007 at 1:37 pm
A severe lack of Texas A&M. I am displeased.
March 28, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Whatever. When the Aggie band marches I get to brush up on my geometry.
March 28, 2007 at 3:18 pm
You left out Stanford. None of the other bands have been trampled before
March 28, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Nothing says college spirit and song like the A&M “Shapes and more Shapes” show.
March 28, 2007 at 5:37 pm
So apparently five of the best marching bands in the country are now the five worst. Mmmhmmm…..
March 28, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Left out Stanford? We weren’t doing a most awesome bands article son.
March 28, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Yeah, that “monstrosity” for The Pride of West Virginia is a world champion. Let me reiterate — a WORLD champion.
Chew on that for a little while — you run a meaningless blog on college sports which generates hits only from ridiculous statements like this, and those you insult have world championship awards to look at before they go to bed at night.
And the WVU band themselves? Along with Ohio State and Texas, they’re among the very few bands that have won the Sudler Trophy from the John Philip Sousa Foundation. In short, it means they’re amongst the very best in America at this activity (top 15-20 nationally, no doubt).
March 28, 2007 at 9:38 pm
Ehh they give those out to anyone. I’ll take Southern, Grambling, and Florida A&M’s bands before WVU. Better production values, better talent, better everything but the football team, tbh.
March 28, 2007 at 9:39 pm
And last I checked Grambling didn’t use a gimmick offense
March 28, 2007 at 9:40 pm
Besides, that trophy was lost in a couch fire in 2004.
March 28, 2007 at 9:40 pm
What does one have to do with the baton to become a WORLD champion?
March 28, 2007 at 9:56 pm
He won Men’s Two Baton at worlds - probably the event with the least competition. In baton twirling men’s competition is to women’s as high school football is to the Super Bowl - I mean how many boys do you see twirling anyway?
The “world champ” actually went on to lose to women at NBTA US nationals last July. You can check the page if you don’t believe me. (look under age 19)
http://www.batontwirling.com/AYOP/Results%202006.htm
As for the field, he wouldn’t be SO bad if he didn’t twirl like a girl.
March 28, 2007 at 10:08 pm
Any guy on the color guard, let alone a “twirler” deserves all the jokes they get thrown their way. Seriously, can you get any more gay? Oh yeah you can, you could be playing football for the University of Oklahoma
March 28, 2007 at 10:46 pm
Don’t be upset WVU fans. At least if your team wins the NIT, you guys are officially the WORLDS 66th BEST TEAM!
March 29, 2007 at 6:15 am
Its funny that you focus on a male twirler and call him a monstronsity in this age of equal rights and diversity. I believe it shows that this guy has a lot of guts and talent. West Virginians are like that. They excel in what they do.
March 29, 2007 at 7:31 am
About the Sudler trophy: they give those out like candy, and since a band can only win it once, literally every major school will win it at some point. My band won it, while I was a member of that band, and there was no way we were the best band in the country. It’s a joke of an award.
March 29, 2007 at 10:14 am
A joke of a national championship award!
March 29, 2007 at 10:22 am
Sounds a lot like the Two-Pete if you ask me
March 29, 2007 at 12:45 pm
I think Greg Blue of Georgia is still trying to catch Steve Slaton. Ask him how showing WVU that “SEC Speed” worked out. This site has 0 credibility. Also, if you think that WVU is playing for 66th best team in the country in the NIT, then your dumber than you seem. You do know that the male twirler won the World Twirling Title right?
March 29, 2007 at 1:24 pm
“then your dumber than you seem”
Please stop embarassing your school.
March 29, 2007 at 2:22 pm
More speed than the SEC? Unpossible! Preposterous!
March 29, 2007 at 3:44 pm
The only thing gayer than Texas’ band’s uniforms would be if they discovered a new, hyper-gay color in the homo-spectrum of the rainbow unperceivable to human eyes.
March 29, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Grambling band sucks!!! They are a disgrace to all bands
March 29, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Never mind. He won world twirling titles. I’m wrong, this site is wrong, and we all owe West Virginia and the nice young lady an apology.
Get over yourself and get a sense of humor
March 29, 2007 at 4:43 pm
All those WVA girls need to go look up “parody”.
Lighten up Frances.
March 30, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Gramblings band is far from sorry, i saw them at the Rose Bowl Parade: they sounded and looked great, the other HBCU bands are just jealous because they travel and do everything. Stop putting fat people in front of you band to get house and maybe you would be invited somewhere. No committe in their right mind would invite a band that has to put fat people in front of their band to get applause. That’s a disgrace!
March 30, 2007 at 4:03 pm
NO ONE is downing the fact that the twirler is male. Have you ever seen him? He’s absolutely HORRIBLE to watch. Florida State has an amazing male twirler who deserves upmost respect. He’s better than any girl twirler I’ve ever seen. But the twirler from West Virginia drops all over the place on the field and looks very nonathletic. It’s just the sad truth. He makes his otherwise phenomenal band look bad.
April 3, 2007 at 6:17 am
If the criteria of the list is “the five worst marching bands in existence,” then how does a band that hasn’t existed in 4 years, (UVA’s pep band) manage to make the list? It must say a lot for the greatness of other bands if a non-existent marching band manages to make the list.
The OSU band sucks because they spell out their state’s name….interesting.
Oregon and Texas suck because they have bad uniforms; interesting, because I thought a band was judged by how they played and how they marched, not the uniforms they wear. It’s like saying you think the New York Yankees suck because you think their uniforms look tacky.
WVU sucks because they have a male twirler. Fascinating. Newsflash; JMU’s band has two male guard members and JMU is a former Sudler Trophy winning band. It’s not that uncommon.
Finally, Grambling apparently sucks because they’re better than the football team. Sounds like the problem there isn’t with the band, but with the football team.
April 3, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Editor’s Note: The “Bandman” above is not the bandman659 that occasionally posts stupid shit in the NCAA football threads in SAS. The above “Bandman” is an imposter.
That having been said….
Stanford’s band has to at LEAST be a tie for #1. What other band has been banned from flying as a group because they decided to all run to one side of a plane mid-flight?
Also, Grambling State’s band is a sight to behold. Those black college marching bands (Prairie View A&M, FAMU, Grambling, Bethune-Cookman) put on one hell of a show. If you get the chance, check them out at the Honda Battle of the Bands next January at the Georgia Dome.
April 3, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Wow, you guys get so pissy about a guy making fun of marching bands on a get this, comedy website. Plus, male twirlers are gay, even if they’re not gay, they’re still gay. Who cares about the bands anyway. We all know it’s about how loud you can play Zombie Nation on the speakers!
April 7, 2007 at 6:16 pm
I DIDN’T LIKE THIS ARTICLE MUCH, HOW CAN ANY LEGITIMATE SPORTS WEBSITE DO ANYTHING BUT PRAISE THE AMERICAN INSTITUTION THAT IS THE MARCHING BAND. AS A FORMER TWO SPORT, DIVISION 1 ATHLETE AND NOW A PROFESSIONAL IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY PLEASURE TO LISTEN TO AND SUPPORT THE MARCHING BAND, THOSE FOLKS WORK AS HARD AS THE PLAYERS, THEY EARN THEIR SCHOLARSHIPS AND THIS ARTICLE GIVES THEM ZERO CREDIT, KINDA SAD REALLY. SOME DAY, YA’LL WILL MATURE A BIT AND LEARN TO GIVE PROPS AND CHEERS INSTEAD OF THE RUN OF THE MILL, EASY TO WRITE………..JEERS.
April 15, 2007 at 5:08 pm
are you also retarded there GARY?
April 16, 2007 at 6:11 pm
I am a current zero sport athlete and a professional internet user who is a CURRENT member of a marching band, and even I know know the difference between parody and seriousness. Hey Gary, pull the stick out of your ass.
Also, whoever said we were a legitimate sports website?
April 16, 2007 at 6:21 pm
We aren’t legitimate? I guess I should delete that Ole Miss article.
April 18, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Excuse Me!, but who are you to criticize male twirlers? It takes just as much talent for a male as it does a female. It is utterly deplorable to think that someone would criticize someone’s passion, in such a public way. How dare you. In my opinion, to be able to perfect a talent and have the integrity to preform in front of thousands of people is something to be admired. ALL twirlers should be commended on their talent, will, and determination to perfect their craft. How dare you. this is a diabolically cruel website. It disgusts me. Also for the record. Male twirlers have been around for a while, and will remain to be. So get used to it!
April 18, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Yea btw, Donovan holds a World Champ title in 2 baton! not an easily aquired accomplishment… chew on that bitchez
April 18, 2007 at 1:02 pm
http://www.nbta-europe.com/resullt2baton.html
wow there are @ least 15 other male twirlers that traveled from around the world…oh yea there arent very many around…bullshit.
April 18, 2007 at 1:52 pm
I still think it’s still pretty gay to be a male twirler.
April 18, 2007 at 2:40 pm
First off, unless you can twirl like Donovan, you have no right to talk about him.
Second, unless you really know the world of marching band, you have no right to comment, we work just as hard as most sports on campus.
Third, this website is a joke. Marching Bands are the only constant fans in the stadiums, especially in years when the teams suck. We get little credit for even being there, we cheer and support the teams, we show school spirit and play fight songs, and who shows up when the teams have a 2-11 record for the season.
April 18, 2007 at 2:50 pm
How can a school with 2 wins play 13 games? Of course, you know that being such a constant fan.
April 18, 2007 at 3:36 pm
His name is Donovan? Seriously?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
April 18, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Reggie, I thought they might be talking about Texas A&M and were counting the spring game.
Who knew that the band and male twirlers had such a strong following!
April 18, 2007 at 5:21 pm
I really don’t know who you homophobic jackoffs think you are, and you CLEARLY do NOT know anyhting about real music. Before you start to critizie marching band, YOU do it for a day and see how easy it is. AND like Matt said go compete at the world level like Donovan did and see how far you get. You have NO CLUE what you are talking about and in my opinion untill you know how it feels to preform in front of thousands of people…keep your mouths shut!
April 18, 2007 at 8:22 pm
I have watched football since I was a little kid, that’s why I am a member of the marching band. As for messing up a record, I’m just so mad that people still criticize us for being in the band. Just follow the quote, don’t make comments until you can say you have walked a mile in our shoes. Better yet don’t comment, until you’ve performed in front of thousands of adoring fans and can be recognized walking down the street because you are a member of a beloved band!!!
April 18, 2007 at 10:30 pm
christ you people are faggots
April 18, 2007 at 11:13 pm
stop being a homophobic jackoff
April 19, 2007 at 10:41 am
How about this. I’m a member of a band who regularly plays in front of 100,000+ people each Saturday in the fall, not to mention the other 40,000 as we march to the stadium. I’ve been there through scorching summers, I’ve been there in snow. I’ve marched my ass of for my band, and you know what? I don’t get my panties in a wad because a SATIRE website makes jokes. Fuck, there’ll soon be an article that I WROTE about MY OWN band, just because its funny. Jesus Christ you fucking idiots, you make the rest of us look bad.
April 19, 2007 at 10:50 am
So yeah, I walked a season in “your” shoes. Now what?
(Or do you mean to be in a shitty band?)
April 19, 2007 at 2:48 pm
wait, how does the fact that we have one male twirler make us one of the worst bands in the country? is that seriously the only reason wvu is on here? that makes sense.
April 19, 2007 at 3:44 pm
Well tash we were going to say that it was because you sound like crap but we thought that would be too offensive.
April 19, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Any band that has a male twirler automatically fails at both band marching and life
April 19, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Declaring The Pride of West Virginia as a terrible band because they have a male twirler? They have two others, both female, but the male is the best of the three. He won the men’s two-baton world championship in ‘05. Donovan is great at what he does.
West Virginia’s band won the Sudler in ‘97. They have the longest pregame show in the NCAA (to my knowledge; 15+ minutes), and they can actually march and play at the same time. One would be surprised how many band cannot do so.
April 19, 2007 at 8:20 pm
Holy shit.
April 20, 2007 at 12:07 pm
Nothing says credibility like bringing up marching bands, and then managing to screw THAT up. LOL.
April 20, 2007 at 6:38 pm
“He won the men’s two-baton world championship in ‘05.”
I’m so fucking hard right now
April 23, 2007 at 3:53 pm
You pricks really need to get with it! The Pride of West Virginia is an instution in the Eastern U.S. not only the State of WV. It’s really pathetic that you people make a list of the worst college bands with out a bit of knowledge on the subject. As for you Mr. SEC don’t you ever criticize the Pride, you have no idea the talent that we bring to the world of college bands. Just ask the SEC’s own Georgia about how we blew them out of the water with House of the Rising Sun at the Sugar Bowl!
April 23, 2007 at 9:33 pm
I still don’t see why people are pissed off. This is obviously a satrical website. …..Plus, that gay totally takes it in the ass
April 24, 2007 at 7:16 am
Well, dumbass, it’s simple to see that were so pissed off because you’ve pretty much insulted a way of life for each of us. As a matter of fact this site has been seen by the higher ups here at WVU and are none too pleased. This exact site has been the brunt of an article in our school paper the Daily Anthenium bashing your homophobic remarks and your criticism of elete college marching bands.
April 24, 2007 at 7:53 am
I made it into the DA? Awesome!
Can you paste link here? I can’t seem to find the article in their online edition.
April 24, 2007 at 8:10 am
I’m still stuck on the fact that Donovan is a 2 time world champion at something other than, well, you know…
April 24, 2007 at 8:57 am
Satire? What’s satire? *writes column in fucking school paper*
Get a grip, WVU.
April 24, 2007 at 12:59 pm
I’m going to come out and say it. Every writer here is jealous of West Virginia. I am. The rest are. That’s why we made fun of you. We are in awe of Donovan and the Pride of West Virginia. I tried to be a twirler, but I couldn’t make the cut.
NOW I’M CRYING AGAIN! THANKS TBOSS! Jerk.
April 24, 2007 at 1:50 pm
This is going national, the next Imus! Reggie, your days are numbered here.
April 24, 2007 at 3:49 pm
how dare you insult the fine institution of west virginia university. donovan isnt gay either im sitting right here with him. he said it was just that one time at that frat party and its college so why not experiment. get your facts straight damn it
April 28, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Who gives a fuck about any of this tripe anyway? Its satire and I have laughed my
ass off reading this blog. Speed kills my SEC friends. Lets Goooooooooooo Mountaineers! I didn’t know we had male twirlers. Gotta throttle back on the pre-game
drinking and self-medicating.
April 30, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Um The Male Twirler from WVU is one of my friends thank you… and also i am a male twirler… if you have a problem with it dont watch, but i am one of the best twirlers in ohio… also Donovan is a world class… Baton isnt only a girl thing… sorry… oh and there is somthing worse than a male cheerleader… a foot ball team that cant win… check some of these Colleges out… they suck.. at least we win somthing..
April 30, 2007 at 8:56 pm
And by something you mean the “NIT”
Keep reaching for the stars, WVU!
May 2, 2007 at 5:47 pm
you guys need to get a life makin fun of all these schools band’s what a bunch of pricks, unless you play music, or have a good ear for it then you shouldnt be talking shit, period.
May 31, 2007 at 6:06 pm
Donovan is not just an amazing twirler. the fact that he deals with bullshit fucking comments and stupid people like you all that feel the need to make fun of him make him a better person than you all could ever be. thanks.
August 23, 2007 at 11:06 pm
search online college degrees
search online college degrees
October 11, 2007 at 8:20 pm
if everyone goes to the stadiums to watch the halftime schow more than the game you know the band is doing there job. and i dont know what your talkin bout grambling state is one of the best college bands in the south they have a better sax section than any band out there in the south. a million times better than FAMU.
July 5, 2008 at 12:14 am
good lord this is funny
forget abot the blog itself (which i did find quite entertaining, especially the ut part)
but the comments are just damn hillarious
thanks for a fun few mintes all you over sensitive little girls
if youre in a band (like me) or something like a twirler (nothing like me) you should be used to these kinds of things and just learn to enjoy the jokes
and im glad there wasnt much mention of Texas A&M, even though i bet now there will be
July 12, 2008 at 11:16 am
who tha fuck made this bull shit? apparently someone who knows nothing about music or marching bands in general. i dont know about all these otha bands on here, but Grambling is one of the all time best bands point bland. and how tha hell you gone say that just because more people come to see tha band than tha game that tha band is doing somthing wrong? that just means that the band is doing its job and entertaining the crowd. so who ever came up with this lil’ worst bands list has to be fuckin dumb!